One of the deciding factors to purchasing our home was the two block distance to our homeowner’s association pool. Summers in Fort Worth can be extremely hot. Having easy access to any type of water to drench your body is a plus. When the slip-n-slide and sprinkler will not do, off to the pool we go.
This past Memorial Day, floats, diver toys, and kids filled the pool. The number of people heightened my wife and I awareness of our children. While she was busy with our youngest son, I ‘pool floated’ hidden under dark shades and a visor watching our eight year old son. His verbal and physical interaction with others clearly indicated that he was becoming a young man.
After about an hour of being at the pool, my son and one of his female friends decided that they were going to fight for my pool raft. Instead of allowing them to ‘pull and tug’, I encouraged them to share the raft. It was large enough to support their weight and size. As they floated together, our floatie-secured 2 year old quickly joined them. He was greeted with a kiss from his affectionate brother. Within seconds, he was crying to be removed, desiring to float on his own. His mother removed him, turned away, and within seconds, my oldest son made his first attempt to kiss a girl (on the cheek). Luckily, she turned away and gave him evil eyes.
After examining myself, I felt my son needed to be held accountable for his actions. Since kindergarten, his mother and I had stressed the importance of not improperly touching or kissing anyone. He was well-aware of our expectations and his role.
While walking home, he was asked about the kiss. He shared with us that he was only pretending and did not kiss her. I began with my long dad speech of how a girlfriend/wife means responsibility. His body language about the matter was very lax indicating his lack of concern for my views; however, he did apologize for his behavior. I appreciated the apology, but didn’t experience a peace of mind regarding his understanding.
I couldn’t seem to let go of what happened. The matter greatly disturbed me, because of my past relationship with girls/women. I do not desire for my sons to live a similar lifestyle. One of the key deterrents of the girls, that I didn’t pursue, was an accountability factor. Whether the accountability was a questioning parent, big brother, bullying uncle, or annoying cousin of the girl; it got my attention and kept me away from girls that were not worth the trouble. Unfortunately for my son, the young girl didn’t have any similar advocates. Due to his comfort level, I would have to play all roles.
The God-given idea was to have him inform the girl’s father of his kiss attempt. I hoped that this would provide substance to this much-needed to learn lesson. Well, to say the least, my son was extremely frightened. His body language immediately changed, once he was informed of the confession he would make. He cried to his mother in complete fear of the unknown. She gently consoled him with affirming words, but I continued to ‘drive home’ our concern. Fortunately for my son, the girl’s father was not home; however, the mother was. She expressed her concern for my son and her daughter. The point was made.
When I was a young boy, my mother held me to similar standards. I can recall a friend spreading a rumor about me and a neighborhood girl. My mom heard about the rumor and questioned me. The story was totally untrue; however, she was not convinced. She decided to speak with the girl’s mother. The girl’s mom confronted me. I was held accountable for my part in creating this rumor. A lesson was learned. I never attempted to date the girl, again or participated in such a rumor.
Children, especially young boys, need to be held accountable for their actions. Proverbs speaks of how disciplining your children will give you rest (29:17), hope (19:18), and a future (22:6). Also, the wisdom-filled book of the Bible states that not disciplining your child will bring you shame (29:15) and demonstrates unhealthy love (13:24). God encourages us to confront our brothers and sisters, who sin against us. Scripture informs Christians to confront the offender with another believer, if he/she doesn’t acknowledge his wrongdoings after the first confrontation (Matthew 18:15-16). This is why it’s so important for a mother and father to be on the ‘same page’ when it involves discipline.
Living a righteous life amongst your children will give you more credibility than your parental authority in confronting your children about ungodly issues. Teaching godly lessons early in life may prevent severe issues in the teenage and young adult years. Let’s all be encouraged to love our children, the way God loves us (Hebrews 12:5-8).
