Define Love.

After falling to my knees and repenting of my ways, I heavily began listening to Christian talk radio. It included so much preaching that it became a hobby (listening to preachers ‘preach’). While tuning in one day, I became intrigued and attracted to one minister. He happened to have a church in my current city. I visited and immediately joined. I, not favoring a person’s race when it comes to relationships, found it easy to relate to this same race preacher. His stories were hilarious, applicable, easy to understand, and most importantly, biblically centered. As I grew, I heard and read many things that were challenging to my current lifestyle. Yes, I was a Christian, but giving up some of my most treasured and pleasurable sins were not comfortable, either was it easy. It had been made very clear to me that when I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, that a helper was included. The helper’s role was to give me the power and discretion to make and maintain decisions based on God’s way of thinking. Also, He would provide clarity without any misunderstanding. Knowing all this made my situation more mentally challenging. Half the time when I would make bad decisions, I clearly knew I was wrong. It simply ‘boiled down’ to… I did what I wanted to do. When approached by other believers about my choices, I defended what I last week was so strongly against. Confusion!

To this day, that hasn’t stopped. I have matured to not verbally defend my sins to others, but there’s still a mental war. Is this good or bad? Well, the bible doesn’t speak much on the matter. Maybe it’s fine. This week it’s good, next week it’s bad. One thing I do know, God has made sin crystal clear to his children that desire to please Him. Adam and Eve were created, but not controlled by God. As God provided direction then, he still does now. They were given the ability and right to have a free will, which is an easy way to identify someone’s love.

The deeper in love you become with a person; the more you freely sacrifice yourself and serve the other. Any good mommy or daddy can relate. You work, you clean, you wash clothes, you read books, and you pray, you comfort, you discipline, your share your bed, you wipe butts (literally), you pay… For what, a child who you continue to give and gave life. The baby/young child/teenager is clearly not able to do the same for you (anytime soon). However, you could care less. This is your child, who you are so deeply in love. These characteristics of love are very similar attributes of the same God I follow and serve. Whether you or your children realize it or not, you are blessed because someone sacrificially loves you.

It’s safe to say that the biggest gift your child could give is being a good representation of you. The joy which comes from a teacher, neighbor, or coach speaking well of your child fosters a healthy pride. Again, it’s probably safe to say, their behavior is a good reflection of their family’s lifestyle, which you help create and provide. Any behavior outside the norm of a family’s tradition brings shame and grief to the entire family. If there’s real love in the family, unhealthy behavior is abnormal and possibly a reflection of rebellion. Your children have the free will to act any way they desire, regardless of how much you love them. Experience teaches rules and guidelines do not promote and sustain healthy compliance. There must be willingness for the child to show love through obedience and a clear realization that bad choices demonstrate disrespect. Maturing in love takes time.

Showing love through obedience has become more of a reality to me with age. I have come to the conclusion, that love is defined by sacrifice and service. When my family is asked how they know daddy/husband loves them, the answer (for me) must be because of his sacrifice and service to me (specifically). As I grow in greater love for my family, I’m confident that will be the resolution (Matthew 23:11). The same goes for my relationship with the Lord. My love and better understanding of Him will help me serve and sacrifice more of myself. My indiscretions will become less and I will become a better representation of my family (John 14:15).

If you desire to be a part of a family, whose Father has already sacrificed and served you (John 15:13); accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. God has already and will continue serving you as a good father. However, it’s your responsibility to accept him as your daddy.


http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

Rodney, the Whooping Stick

As a kid, I was always consciously aware of my behavior. My parents were consistent in holding me accountable to my actions. If I was disobedient, I was properly dealt with. One junior high day during PE (physical education class), I verbally expressed my displeasures in my performance using ‘HELL’ as a reference. The PE teacher, already noticing a shift in my attitude, was bothered by my word and immediately directed me to the principle’s office. When I arrived, the principle contacted the PE teacher asking why I had been sent. He informed him that I used profanity. After hearing this, he directed me to the guidance counselor. While I was being transferred, I pleaded my case. I can remember expressing to the staff, “…all I said was ‘HELL’”. I knew that it was not appropriate, but come on… really. I heard much worse during gym class and simply couldn’t figure out the fuss over this casual spoken four-letter word.

When I entered the guidance counselor office, he sat me down and began his ‘spill’. I can’t quote verbatim what he said, but I do recall him informing me that my mom (who he knew) would be informed by phone. My main concern was “…tell her I said ‘HELL’ not that I was cursing”; however, I knew it didn’t matter. I was in trouble. Just as I didn’t want him to do, he did. Even now, I can emotionally connect to how upset I was about my behavior. My mother decided to drive (from work) to meet with me and the guidance counselor. While he spoke about the noticeable change in my attitude and my choice of words, I deeply concerned myself with the consequences of my actions. From that day forward, I was never disciplined again for using profanity. Now, I didn’t say I stopped using profanity… I simply discontinued speaking profane around authority.

Now, I’m a parent. I get the opportunity to scare the ‘crap’ out of my children, when they are disobedient or disrespectful. I take great pride in this role. As I know, my parent’s acts of love helped keep me out of much serious trouble as a child, teen, and adult. Obviously, I made a number of serious mistakes, but thankfully God’s grace along with my parent’s accountability established a positive outcome. This biblical formula is a promise which God has given all who choose to follow. The classic verse referred to disciplining children is Proverbs 13:24. Universally known as, ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’; however, the text actually reads ‘He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly’ (NKJV).

As a young, childless adult, I wanted to spank everyone’s kid for ‘being bad’. The Wal-Mart trips with a kid ‘throwing a fit’ in the isle; because mommy wouldn’t buy them the latest, greatest toy encouraged this thought process. However, after becoming a dad, I quickly realized spanking as a disciplinary tool was not the resolution for every child behavior problem. What I understood as a child was respect for my parent’s authority. I knew that if I was non-compliant to given instructions that I would be disciplined. My mom didn’t ‘miss a beat’ (pun not intended). She was consistent as days become nights and nights become days. If she said this would happen if you disobey, then what she said would happen- happened. Sometimes, my harvest of disobedience included a spanking; other times, there were restrictions placed on my quality of life. This fear of being discipline and held accountable established great reverence for my parents. Today, if they attempted to physically spank me for my bad behavior; it would be slightly awkward. Although, if I were to be rightfully imprisoned… May the Lord have mercy on my conscious regarding the disappointment I would bring my parents. This alone would be my spanking.

About three Sundays ago, I overheard a childcare worker inform a mother that her daughter was hitting other children. The childcare worker encouraged the mom to teach her child that we should use our hands for loving, not hitting. I remembered hearing this before. This saying made such an impression on my wife and I that we purchased a big wooden spoon to use for disciplining instead of our hands. This wooden spoon has become the pun of many jokes and laughs amongst our children and us. He has become such a figure, that we gave him a name and a theme song. The theme song chorus goes a little something like this:

Rodney, the Whooping Stick- he’ll spank your butt for fun
when you get to acting up, here he comes…
Rodney, the Whooping Stick…
Rodney, the Whooping Stick!

Our children aren’t terribly afraid of Rodney. He typically hangs on the wall between their bedrooms. They are fully aware when he is insight, that it’s time to straighten up. I’m grateful for Rodney. He has become the bad guy. I say this, because I’m aware that some wrestle with holding their children accountable through disciplining. I am far from perfect, but using creative discipline methods have been equally successful and honor God in parenting. According to the bible, using your parental authority to promptly discipline your children shows your love. Do it. Then maybe, one day, like me; your child will look back on their life and be glad they had a parent that held them accountable at an early age. Strive to be someone your children respect. Not only when they’re children, but when they become socially and financially independent adults. This may be the lasting factor of maintaining a line of stability in your and their life.

I know this blog was not much about having a relationship with Jesus, but in many ways it is. God can help you be a more loving parent. According to the bible, the only way you can have a real connection with God is through Jesus Christ. Here’s another opportunity.

If you desire the power needed to truly change your life, accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior by clicking on the link below.

http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things