When I was single, I hated it. Call me a punk, soft, weird, conservative, or whatever; but, I’ve always been the ‘marrying’ type. Secretively, in my late night club pursuits, the objective wasn’t the one night stand, but to meet someone whom I could share my life. An attractive, opposite-sex friend with some similar dislikes and likes who could (and wanted to) deal with all my quirks for a lifetime was my camouflaged goal.
After seven years of being single, God unexpectedly blessed me with what I was looking for. Seven years (approximately 2,555 days) of singleness was an emotionally lonely period. However, it was a time that I truly gained an appreciation for women. I went from having girlfriends to having girls who were simply friends. Of course, it took help from God (Holy Spirit) to live this way. My former life required (requires) heavy reliance on God’s promises and protection toward living a holy lifestyle. At times, I did fail, but those times of failure and repentance made marriage even more appealing.
I have been married for over five years. I’m still a rookie ‘in this game’; however, some realism has set in. Most ulterior motives and unrealistic expectations have been exposed. Arguments, dirty diapers, emotionally-driven purchases, sexless nights, demanding children, and weeks of casseroles have helped me identify with most married couples. In each of these situations, the ‘get me out of here as fast as possible’ thought has crossed my mind more times than once. Fortunately, I haven’t had the guts or true desire to walk away from my wife and children.
Before I married, I was cognizant that this was a decision. I was aware that if I was marrying for Hollywood sex, grilled ribeyes and apple pie for dinner, lingerie, and an easily submissive wife, that I was deceiving myself. Marriage had been communicated as an act of service. The Bible and other Christian influences made it clear and it was clearly understood. So on my marriage day, I made a commitment to God, His Son, His Spirit, my wife, my son, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my grandparents-in-law, my parents, my grandparents, my siblings, and my friends. Each person present was affected by my decision to marry. Therefore, it would be ironic and selfish to think that the same people would not be adversely affected, if I choose to split from my wife.
I know that marriage is a risk, even if you marry the ‘right person’. That my spouse can gain 100 pounds, become an addict, have an affair, physically harm me, or simply decide that she no longer loves me. Due to my lack of experience with these issues, I’m ignorant of the emotions that are attached. As a Christian, it took me little time to realize that being a part of God’s family didn’t exempt me from being emotionally or physically hurt. The certainty of being offended or ‘let down’ by my spouse was evident. No one (Christians and non-believers) whom I ever met with has endured years of marriage without a major argument or outstanding disagreement.
Regardless of what I saw in others and the fear of the unknown, in my time alone, God had demonstrated His faithfulness. His ability to work out my self-inflicted circumstances, when I totally submitted to His will, was impeccable. God’s faithfulness gave me a sense of self-assurance, that no matter what I experienced in marriage; he would carry me through… if I choose! If I abided in His will regarding marriage, that I would be a success. That is right, I.
Unfortunately, we are incapable of making decisions for other people. God has given us all free will. In being godly, you should allow the same freedom for your spouse regarding marital decisions. With this said, God has set guidelines for the husband and wife. Christian marriages should be governed by these laws. It is an expectation of marriage that you will be honored, respected, and loved; yet, this is an atmosphere that has to be created. For most, this does not come easy. There are many worldly influences that consistently fight against this thought process. That is why it’s imperative that you study and follow God’s word.
Will you avoid separation and divorce? Only you and your spouse can answer this question. For both begin with a thought, that if not submitted to God’s word will override your covenant. God is for you and has given you all the resources needed to succeed. I have noticed in my marriage; the more I serve and obey the Lord, the better my marriage. As serving and obeying the Lord is a direct correlation to a healthy marriage. God instructions to us all (married or not) is to serve one another (Galatians 5:13), treat people the way you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12), consider others better than yourself (Philippians 2:3), and to share (Romans 12:13). As funny as it sounds; these are traits that my 2 year old is learning in Mother’s Day Out. This is how elementary God has made His word, so that every man and woman can understand it and be victorious. There are no excuses! If you can read, then you can choose to obey, and thrive in all relationships, especially marriage.
Remember, a healthy and joyful Christian marriage starts first with accepting God’s plan for salvation. Of course, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is not required to have a happy marriage, but salvation is.
Be encouraged!
If you desire to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please click on the link below.
http://www.cbn.com/stepstopeace/index.aspx
