After grabbing my fiancée by the neck and slamming her to the floor, I stumbled around my bedroom fuming mad with feelings of self-righteousness and misunderstanding. The action caused her to run away in complete terror. I recall going in the bathroom looking into the mirror and feeling extremely justified in my actions. Within minutes, a friend who dated my fiancée’s roommate was knocking at the door. I wasn’t quite sure of what his actions would be, but I allowed him to enter. He spoke to me with concern. He had witnessed and discerned the recent internal struggle in my life. The stress of being engaged, starting a new job and graduate school was more than I could emotionally and physically bear. Also, I had been heavily dealing with my spiritual convictions in a non-constructive way. This avoidance and ‘fence-riding’ led to a deeper emotional and spiritual abyss.
After this concerned friend left, I still felt no remorse. After a few hours passed; I was confronted with the reality that this engagement to be married could be no more. That really bothered me for obvious reasons. Despite the abuse I inflicted, I was sincerely in love and committed. After about a day or so, my fiancée and I spoke over the phone about the incident. She was afraid, surprised, and upset. It was obvious that this union was over. I begged, pleaded, and promised to no avail. It was over, rightfully so.
The end literally brought me to my knees because I knew before starting this relationship that God had spoken to me about surrendering my life for His will. This break was the ultimate devastation of my young adult life. It was at this very point that I surrendered my life to God. Disgusted with what I had become, realizing where I was heading, and losing the love of my young life got my attention. I cried out to the Lord repenting and begging.
The ‘I will do this, if You will do this’ plea was verbally applied. I immediately became selfishly and immaturely convinced that God wanted this relationship to work. I was desperate in my attempts to reconcile but failed. Due to the limitations I placed on God, my fears of never experiencing this type of love were consistent and real and further encouraged false hopes. How could I have been so idiotic to think, that those actions would have not led to a break-up or even more (prison)? This was the lowest I had (have) ever felt. This self-created environment was agonizing.
I started taking the necessary steps of healing. Things were changing in my life. I and others noticed a difference. When I would give my testimony, people had a hard time connecting me with being an abuser. Throughout this entire process, I remained hopeful that I would be given a second chance from the woman I was once engaged. This opportunity never came. For several years, it was very difficult for me to accept the consequences of my sins. My hopes for another shot at a healthy relationship were bleak.
There are times in life, when we all feel completely defeated and hopeless. Contrary to how we feel and what we see, we must remember, ‘God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him’ (Hebrews 11:6). Despite the shortcomings in life, ‘we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose’ (Romans 8:28). What may seem as God’s best may not be His best for you. No matter how insignificant or significant, reflection is mandated in seeing the goodness of the Lord in a believer’s life. You must first truly believe in God’s word for these promises to be impactful. Believing in God’s word will allow the Bible to be the final authority in your thinking and actions (John 14:15). This will lead to a peaceful and harmonious life.
The moral of my story: I being terrible and deceitful in my acts repented by choosing a different Path. I made a mess of a promising relationship, and then endured a season of grief. I asked the Lord to change my heart and help me become what He needed me to be. In seeking Him my mind is being made ‘right’. This makes it easier to identify His treasures. One fortune was a good wife for me. In performing my past acts, did (do) I deserve these gifts? I did not; however, God has rewarded me. The same can happen to you as it did me. God can meet and exceed your needs and reasonable wants.
My plea is for you to surrender. Life is mostly made complicated by our decision making; however, this does not have to be so. Being in accord with God, helps simplify living. Do not allow your sins to deeply affect a love one before you ‘fall to you knees’. The thought process behind ‘God getting your attention’ is not biblical by any means. It is not necessary for you to reach such spiritual depth before you give your will to God. He can turn your life around this very moment, but you first must decide to allow the change of your heart.
If you have read my past blogs, you know my purpose is pointing you toward Jesus Christ. There is no ulterior motive in my actions. Your salvation and faith in a righteous God and Savior is my goal. I’m trying to help you see the Light in this dark world. Do not be deceived by religion without Jesus Christ. This will lead you to heartache, misery, confusion, and pain. God has made a way; so accept it, begin your real life, and be prosperous and blessed.
If you would like to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please click on the link below.
http://www.cbn.com/stepstopeace/index.aspx
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Deliverance
At my old church, there was a deliverance ministry. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, deliverance; it is a word used to describe a person being freed from ungodly spiritual bondage. Through my times of worldly living, I developed some habits that were not instantly broken when I committed my life to Christ. It required some serious prayer, desire to change, discipline to live, and Holy Spirit to obey. Throughout the struggle of letting go of an unhealthy spiritual identity, I realized the power of God to change lives. One of the biggest struggles I faced was my love for secular hip-hop music.
In reaching out for help from my church, I met with three older Christian men. I exposed personal vulnerabilities with the intentions of receiving prayer and guidance. My expectations were met. During the meeting, I remembered informing the guys that I loved ‘hip-hop’. Without any hesitation, they quickly said that my passion for secular music would go away. Don’t ask me why, but I felt (at the time) that they were too lax in their approach regarding my concern for this matter. Before this church, I was a member of two different churches that taught about the power of words (speaking and listening). The music that I preferred was not edifying my spirit for Kingdom thinking. I needed to be free, now. This is what I expressed, but there was no stress; they simply reassured me.
I left there feeling unchanged in this area. Confirmation of change would have been nice. Months later, I can recall watching a Jay-Z video and becoming emotional because of how much his music moved me. I loved Jay-Z. However, as I matured in my Christian walk, I started noticing different emotions when listening to hip-hop. My spirit would become uneasy, irritable, and righteously upset with the words spoken. I realized how Satan was using music to deliver evil spirit-filled words that were contrary to God’s word. My eyes were opened to what was really going on. The music (sound of instruments) was still enticing, but not the words. The deception of the words behind the music was revealed to me in a way that made it distasteful.
The assurance of my deliverance from the ministers emerged. I was free, indeed. In the realm of music, my spirit was aligned with God’s word. God liberated me to a point that today my IPod is only filled with Christian preaching. I believed that my true desire to honor God in my hearing manifested into this habit. The biblical words of death and life are in the power of the tongue, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, and that, men will have to give account for every foolish word they have said had come alive in my heart.
Please do not take what you hear and say lightly. In this media age, it is a constant battle not to be engulfed in sinful words. Comedies, Dramas, Music, and even the news provide the opportunity to begin speaking and thinking in an ungodly way. Unless you are planning on becoming media-free, the task of speaking and hearing only biblical principles is near impossible.
This is the case for most that choose to live a godly life. Christians are constantly provided with opportunities to live contrary to God’s will. No matter your stand for God, you will face opposition. If you are unaware of God’s help through the Holy Spirit (John 14:26) to enable you to live a blameless lifestyle, you may become overwhelmed. Living for God takes more than claiming a religion and asking Jesus to come into your heart. It takes consistent word reading, godly accountability, prayer, and a desire to serve the Lord. God has commanded that we live separate and not to love anything of the world (1 John 2:15-17). Quite frankly, this is a difficult commandment to consistently live on your own.
As you read this blog, the Holy Spirit may bring to your attention a few opportunities to exemplify your love for the Lord. It is your job as a Christian to deal with these issues. Freedom can be yours, but it first must begin with your repentance and confession. Acknowledging how the world has a grasp on you is the beginning of deliverance from any issue. Aligning your thoughts with the Word (Proverbs 23:7) of God will grant you more freedom than you can ever imagine. Trust God to do His part and meet you where you are (James 4:8). With your consistent seeking of His will for your life in this area, He will renew your spirit to align with His plan (Hebrews 11:6). Trust the Lord’s ability to change your life for I am a living witness.
In reaching out for help from my church, I met with three older Christian men. I exposed personal vulnerabilities with the intentions of receiving prayer and guidance. My expectations were met. During the meeting, I remembered informing the guys that I loved ‘hip-hop’. Without any hesitation, they quickly said that my passion for secular music would go away. Don’t ask me why, but I felt (at the time) that they were too lax in their approach regarding my concern for this matter. Before this church, I was a member of two different churches that taught about the power of words (speaking and listening). The music that I preferred was not edifying my spirit for Kingdom thinking. I needed to be free, now. This is what I expressed, but there was no stress; they simply reassured me.
I left there feeling unchanged in this area. Confirmation of change would have been nice. Months later, I can recall watching a Jay-Z video and becoming emotional because of how much his music moved me. I loved Jay-Z. However, as I matured in my Christian walk, I started noticing different emotions when listening to hip-hop. My spirit would become uneasy, irritable, and righteously upset with the words spoken. I realized how Satan was using music to deliver evil spirit-filled words that were contrary to God’s word. My eyes were opened to what was really going on. The music (sound of instruments) was still enticing, but not the words. The deception of the words behind the music was revealed to me in a way that made it distasteful.
The assurance of my deliverance from the ministers emerged. I was free, indeed. In the realm of music, my spirit was aligned with God’s word. God liberated me to a point that today my IPod is only filled with Christian preaching. I believed that my true desire to honor God in my hearing manifested into this habit. The biblical words of death and life are in the power of the tongue, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, and that, men will have to give account for every foolish word they have said had come alive in my heart.
Please do not take what you hear and say lightly. In this media age, it is a constant battle not to be engulfed in sinful words. Comedies, Dramas, Music, and even the news provide the opportunity to begin speaking and thinking in an ungodly way. Unless you are planning on becoming media-free, the task of speaking and hearing only biblical principles is near impossible.
This is the case for most that choose to live a godly life. Christians are constantly provided with opportunities to live contrary to God’s will. No matter your stand for God, you will face opposition. If you are unaware of God’s help through the Holy Spirit (John 14:26) to enable you to live a blameless lifestyle, you may become overwhelmed. Living for God takes more than claiming a religion and asking Jesus to come into your heart. It takes consistent word reading, godly accountability, prayer, and a desire to serve the Lord. God has commanded that we live separate and not to love anything of the world (1 John 2:15-17). Quite frankly, this is a difficult commandment to consistently live on your own.
As you read this blog, the Holy Spirit may bring to your attention a few opportunities to exemplify your love for the Lord. It is your job as a Christian to deal with these issues. Freedom can be yours, but it first must begin with your repentance and confession. Acknowledging how the world has a grasp on you is the beginning of deliverance from any issue. Aligning your thoughts with the Word (Proverbs 23:7) of God will grant you more freedom than you can ever imagine. Trust God to do His part and meet you where you are (James 4:8). With your consistent seeking of His will for your life in this area, He will renew your spirit to align with His plan (Hebrews 11:6). Trust the Lord’s ability to change your life for I am a living witness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)