After dropping out of seminary, I moved back to Amarillo, Texas to live with my best friend and his mother. Within 3 months, he and I decided to get an apartment. When we moved into our apartment, one of our neighbors was a single mother of an infant ‘Keebler-elfish’ looking boy named Bryce. My roommate knew her, as they use to work with each other at a restaurant. As matter of fact, he stated that she use to flirt with him and he with her. Also, he warned me to be careful around her. There was nothing horrible particular that he said about her; however, his discernment from what he knew of her and I obviously made him uncomfortable.
As months passed, my new neighbor and I periodically chatted outside. Typically, when I would get my mail; she was on her balcony talking on the phone or playing with her son. The longer I lived by her, the more I was aware that I was physically attracted to her. So I became even more careful. In the back of my mind, I knew my roommate, whom opinion I held in high regard, didn’t trust her. My prior dealings with dating relationships encouraged me to trust the discernment of a close Christian friend (Proverbs 27:17). In my visits with my neighbor, my friend’s inclination was unfortunately confirmed. As, there were several ‘red flags’. Initially, I told myself that I would never date a single mother for all the worldly reasons most men claim; but with the brief interactions, it became apparent that we were unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) in several areas. Although, the longer I lived as her neighbor, the harder it became to consistently guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Time allowed for our relationship to grow, while we individually matured. After a year or so, she became the ‘go-to’ girl in discussing my casual dating relationships, as I to her. One of my primary concerns for her was dating anyone who didn’t desire to be a dad to her son. Telling her this, while remaining unbiased was surprisingly easy. Due to her being a single mother, I didn’t ever cross the friendship line by kissing her or becoming intimately physical. This (I must say) was very uncommon for me during that stage in my life to a woman whom I found physically and emotionally attractive. The fear of emotionally abandoning her and her son, if the dating relationship failed, haunted me. Thankfully, this was the additional motivation I needed to stay pure in my relationship with her, which really allowed us to become/be friends.
After completing graduate school, I decided that I would actively pursue a wife. I was ready to love the way God intended a man to love (Ephesians 5:25). This drove me to begin heavily praying for a wife, which caused my relationship with God to grow. In hindsight, it’s apparent that my heart became more open to God’s way of blessing. The dating scene was not for me. I was greatly unsuccessful. In a 6 month period, I pursued three women. Needless to say, none valued what I valued; therefore, I always felt unappreciated (they may have felt the same). During these frustrating times, I would speak with my neighbor and it became evident that she truly appreciated what I had to offer. Her valuing me opened the door for me to sincerely value her. My neighbor had begun spiritually pursuing the same path. This allowed us to emotionally and spiritually connect in undeniable ways.
