Boys versus Men

Recently, I heard a message and simply wanted to share it. I attempted to elaborate, but I think it’s pretty clear. I heard it, while listening to Chuck Swindoll, a well-known Christian leader. He stated a friend shared it with him.

Clearly, I agree with the opinions below. It’s not the gospel of Jesus Christ, but I believe the statements center around His way of thinking and living. Hopefully, one day, my sons will read it and be able to define me and themselves as men, not boys.

This blog post’s purpose is not to offend anyone, but hopefully challenge you, the way it did me.

Boys versus Men
Boys play house, men get married
Boys make babies, men rear children
Boys won’t raise their own children; men will raise someone else’s
Boys seek simply to survive their woman’s disrespect; men seek to understand her with their heart
Boys are content with female companionship, men seek intimacy
Boys seek popularity, men win respect
Boys cast blame, men own responsibility
Boys invent excuses for their failure, men produce strategies for success
Boys look for someone else to take care of them; men look for someone to take care of
Boys are narcissistic and self-indulgent; men are selfless and sacrificial…

If you desire to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please click on the link below.
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

Failure to ‘pass on’ the fundamentals

For me, one of the most exciting things about being a dad is watching my children compete. I’m a competitive person who sometimes allows my individuality to get in the way of simply enjoying the moment. As a dad, I have no control over my son’s competitive level or interest. This is a constant battle for me that I daily have to surrender for a solid ‘peace of mind’.

Last year, my oldest son began playing basketball. I assistant coached him in his first recreation league. It was bittersweet. Our team had the league best record and won the tournament championship; however, my boy struggled. He was extremely frustrated with the complexity of basketball. Quite honestly, I believed he was relieved when the season ended.

Unfortunately for him, his time of sitting around during the summer had ended. In addition to the usual Christian and educational/fun camps, he was going to attend a few basketball camps. He, like most young boys, needed direction and a challenge.

The summer of 2012 was productive for his development. He, his mom, and I were pleased and noticed a difference, physically and socially. Fortunately, he was ready for additional challenges. He was granted the opportunity to play with more developed players last fall. Again, he fought to solidify an identity on a winning team; however, his liking for this sport grew. Also, I struggled watching him struggle. I clearly had to accept responsibility that his lack of basketball knowledge was clearly an indication of my failure to ‘pass on’ the fundamentals.

My disappointment centered on my child’s reflection of me. Athletically competing through college is not a badge I have chosen to wear publicly, but it is something that I am proud of. I believe that my children have the capacity to achieve the same. I had clearly failed to communicate something that is important to me.

Fortunately, God is faithful in providing moments that reflect what you have taught. Throughout all the struggles of my son developing into a player, many faith talks involving scriptures occurred. His battle made God’s Word more relevant and applicable. Also, the essentials of God’s plan were easier translated throughout his individual victories and tribulations. To simply put it, I believe that God has become more real to him.

After his most recent season ended, my wife and I took the time to tell him our individual faith ‘come to Jesus’ stories. The theme of our stories noticeably was repentance… turning away from our sin and towards God’s plan. He was visibly surprised and inquisitive about our past and the direction we WERE headed. I believed this impacted him further. Within weeks following this experience, he walked into our bedroom genuinely expressing sorrow for unconfessed sins prompting his mom to pray with him. The next day, I had a major revelation.

My son has yet to master dribbling, shooting, or defending, but he has successfully demonstrated one of the fundamental requirements to having a good relationship with God - repenting. As a Christian father, that is truly something to be proud. I can quickly think of a handful of Christian parents who dream of their child sorrowfully repenting.

This is what we have been and are working towards – the eternal, not the temporary.

… the training of the body has a limited benefit, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8 HCSB

Oh, how I love seeing him score, but his relationship with God has and will always be more important. I pray that God will always hold me accountable to this truth.

                                                                                                                                         

If you desire to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please click on the link below.

http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

We are all being brainwashed

As my wife cried and honestly expressed, I thought to myself ‘Geez …but I do ask you how you are doing (everyday)?’ I pleaded my case, but I knew that winning this conversation wasn’t going to fix the problem. Ultimately, I needed to humble myself to serve and love a little more in areas, which cause me discomfort. The worse about all this is that ‘I’m tired of adapting!’ We’ve been married for more than seven years and she should know the deal by now, right? Maybe… but since I married a woman with certain needs that I’m obviously not fulfilling; I ‘gotta step my game up’.

Our marriage had hit another ‘fork in the road’ and a decision needed to be made. Luckily, when it comes to my marital relationship, I’m a purpose-driven servant refusing to offer my wife a legitimate reason to mentally or physically detach from me. Hopefully, this will keep me married for a lifetime. I know my wife’s worth. I’ll do what I need to do within the will of God to keep her heart and earthly attention.

There’s daily moments in life where opportunities to decide are present. Whether you recognized life asked you a question or not, you made a choice. As days pass, your answers to life’s questions play out. Typically in hindsight, we can pinpoint when and what decisions were made. From your circle of influence to your sources of entertainment, what you accept in your life molds the way you think and process information. Whether we admit it or not, we are all being brainwashed.

One of the best gifts that God gave man is free will. We are allowed to program ourselves to operate the way we desire. Our words and actions are a direct reflection of our sources of inspiration and what we sincerely value. Before any positive changes are made, we all have to take ownership. Sometimes what we do with our time, energy, effort, and expenses doesn’t match what our mouth says we value. This is a major conflict of interest, which will cause you serious heartache.

When there are discrepancies with what I say I value most, I evaluate the direction of my time, energy, effort, and expenses. Typically, the root cause of my issues are that those four identities are not aligned with the course I desire my life. From my experience, this is the case with most people. We say we want one thing, but practice behaviors which lead to a different spiritual, mental, relational, physical, and financial lifestyle.

Be honest with yourself and others about your values. If you don’t like what your lifestyle reflects as worthwhile, make some changes like surrounding yourself with reminders and encouragers of your morals. For me, my Christian faith is an endless, unchanging, and sustaining-proven source for a productive and fulfilling life. For example, regarding my relational issue with my wife; God has provided me many models of grace, sacrificial service, and understanding, while commanding and encouraging me to do the same.

You are being influenced. Who and what is influencing you? Is your source worthy of following and consistently reflecting your values? Where is your source leading you?

Commit for the 1st time –
http://www.intouch.org/you/all-things-are-new/content?topic=how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

Commit to SERVE –
http://www.intouch.org/you/all-things-are-new/content?topic=does_god_really_want_me_to_serve_all_things

Standing to The Star-Spangled Banner

Lately, I’ve been having many blunt conversations with my oldest son about sex, race, religion, politics, and relationships. I’ve come to the conclusion that what I value most (my faith) is what I pray and hope will transfer into a way of life for him. In trying to connect with him, I’ve used countless examples. Some ‘hit’, while other analogies clearly missed the mark. He has expressed a genuine interest in my personal history. As a matter of fact, his little brother and he constantly ask me to tell them a story during dinner.

The other day, I pitched an idea to have a Christmas play at our house, possibly in the garage or indoors. Of course, the play was going to be about Jesus with a comical spin intending to entertain and encourage our neighbors. Nothing sacrilegious, but a God honoring rendition of the ‘reason for the season’. Needless to say, they ‘shot it down’. Our eldest verbally expressed that mentioning Jesus may be offensive to some people and that it was a private matter.

Say what?!?

He went on to say that his school asked them if they wanted to make holiday cards, which he decided he did. While making the cards, he states his teacher instructed them not to write ‘Merry Christmas’ on the card; due to a possibly of offending some recipients, who may not celebrate Christmas. Our assumption is he translated her words into thinking that mentioning Jesus Christ in public was offensive.

As many Sunday schools, Christian camps, open expressions of Christian faith, Christian prayers, and bible verses, my son have experienced; he still was influenced into believing his faith wasn’t a matter to be demonstratively expressed.This opened the door to share a childhood story.

Being quite the odd ball in school, I had a tough time connecting with the “cool” kids. Thank God for sports, because it sincerely was my saving grace; although, athletics did bring its challenges. The overall biggest trial for me was the pre-game ritual of standing to the Star-Spangled Banner. In my community, Christianity wasn’t the primary faith. Differentiating from my family's culture, the prevalent religion didn’t stand for the playing of the United States’ national anthem – they sat. So hearing, ‘Oh, say can you see…’ before every game, sometimes created more anxiety than the actual game.

One time, while visiting a rival high school game with some classmates, I chose not to stand during the playing of the national anthem. I remember feeling extremely awkward; as it was my culture to revere this national hymn.  I decided from that point, if placed in the predicament again, that I would stand. In my adolescent mind, there was no righteous cause or purpose – other than, it was very unnatural for me. The awkwardness to sit outweighed the awkwardness to stand. Although, my culture was the minority in my small town; it was sufficient to encourage me to stand (pun intended). I pray that my children will encounter the same conviction to ‘stand’ for God.

Jesus Christ commissioned Christians to make disciples.  Will this ever get accomplished, if we are quiet and politically correct in our actions and words? I would argue that it’s virtually impossible.

In the past week, I have visited with and heard from several Christians who are upset about the re-election of President Barack Obama. In addition, I’ve read some unbelievable anti-Obama Facebook and Twitter post. My thought process behind this all is… ‘Do you really believe your emotional ‘shoot from the hip’ reaction to the presidential election is going to change the world?’ The likelihood of someone altering their point of view or religious belief from being called ‘dumb, uninformed, baby killer, and ungodly’ is highly doubtful. Yet it seems, a common way of expression for dislike. This clearly is not an effective way to communicate, positively influence, or lead anyone. Furthermore, Jesus Christ modeled no behaviors which promote these actions. Instead, he affectionately served his ‘circle of influence’ in every way possible -- allowing his actions and words to bring about change. At times, he may have spoken in parables; however, his intentions and instructions were clear.

How does this relate to you? Personally, I have a great opportunity. My children will face faith oppositions throughout their school years and beyond. As the leader of my home, I must showcase Christianity consistently and boldly. If I never demonstrate my faith, then bash my children for their inactions; there’s a strong probability that they would turn with ‘deaf ears’.

Being proactive is key. Identify problems before they occur is difficult; however, wisdom points to your lack of involvement and root causes. Jesus Christ wasn’t passive aggressive – he was direct. He was focused and committed. People knew his principles. I believe we should be the same. Most recoveries take place when Christians are intentional and purpose driven. When our ‘circle of influence’ responds in a way that is contrary to our faith, we should ask ourselves, “What am I constructively doing to make a difference?” If you are not deliberately doing anything, it’s possible that you are violating a direct commandment given by Jesus Christ.

Get involve and allow your action and words to speak God’s will! Don’t have a seat, when God has directed you to stand. Proactive boldness should be a characteristic of the Christian culture, not reactive boldness. Remember, God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, anyone who rejects… instruction does not reject a human being but God…

If you feel an urge to recommit or commit your life to God’s will, please select the link below.

Commit for the 1^st time –

http://www.intouch.org/you/all-things-are-new/content?topic=how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

Commit to SERVE –

http://www.intouch.org/you/all-things-are-new/content?topic=does_god_really_want_me_to_serve_all_things

I couldn't agree more!

Manhood as defined by the Bible requires men to put the needs and best interests of others before their own. It's about living sacrificially. A man uses his strength and influence to help others and defend those who cannot defend themselves. Read how manly this verse sounds and how it speaks powerfully to a man's heart:

"I rescued the poor who cried for help and the fatherless who had none to assist him...I made the widows heart sing...I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame. I was father to the needy; I took up the case of the stranger. I broke the fangs of the wicked and snatched the victims from their teeth." Job 29:12, 13, 15-17 (NIV).

God gives men a mandate throughout the bible to protect women and children and be His representative here on earth. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27 (NIV)…

Authentic men are passionate, fierce, and noble-they care. In fact, they are a little dangerous, but it's a good dangerous. You might not see this passion on the exterior, but it's bubbling under pressure just beneath the surface, forcing its way into every area of his life. They have a spiritual longing for adventure, for a battle to fight that's bigger than themselves, for significance in their lives. Like modern-day gladiators they stand in the ring facing the challenges of life with courage and passion.

Wow! I couldn’t agree more. Each aging year, I become more aware of my mortality. I've drawn the conclusion that those who are honored in their afterlife -- gave their lives for the well-being of others. Whether it was a symbolic or literal death, the individuals most consider truly worthy of honor are those who gave up something for their present quality of life.

When is the last time that you gave something of yourself without expecting a return? Possibly today or yesterday for your kid… How about outside of your immediate family? Quite honestly, I am challenged by the Bible’s encouragement to look after ‘orphans and widows’. I can’t recall the last time I intentionally served a parentless child or a woman who had lost a husband. In America, there’s a growing trend of men who choose not to care for their own children, yet alone caring for orphans and widows.

Here are some direct challenges inspired from the quote posted above.

1. What would your family, friends, and peers say that you are passionate about? Does your passion align with God’s will? Do you care if your passions support His will?

2. What would those who are in your circle of influence say you are ‘fighting’ that will influence eternity (‘bigger than you’)? If you were to die today, what would your family say you stood for?

3. Is there proof that you demonstrate courage in pursuing your passions and dealing with daily life issues?

Knowing the ‘for sure’ answers to these questions may give the direction, which you are headed. If you would be disappointed with your representation at your own funeral; it’s time to make some changes. Connect your will to God’s plan, and go after what you really want out of life. Living a life for others with good intentions and under God’s authority is fulfilling, exciting, and culture altering.

Small unusual steps towards your goals are better than not moving at all. http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

The excerpt was taken from a blog entitled In Search of Masculinity –Part 2 (http://blogs.christianpost.com/parenting/in-search-of-masculinity-part-2-622/) written by Rick I. Johnson.

“Hey dad, there’s beer in the fridge!”

If you are a follower of my blog, you are aware that I have occasionally exalted my parent’s; however, they were not perfect. In the most honorable and respectable way that I can say this, my dad was an alcoholic. I place much emphasis on ‘WAS’, because while I was in college, he completely discontinued drinking. Unfortunately during my childhood, he did not provide the best example of ‘what is considered’ healthy alcohol consumption. Due to this, I believe, an unhealthy view of drinking was developed.  I have always been ‘wishy-washy’ towards social drinking.  

When our oldest son was younger, my wife and I chose to call any type of alcoholic drink - grown folk’s juice. He would ask, ‘Hey, what are you drinking? May I have some?’ Our consistent reply… ‘No, you can’t. This is grown folk’s juice’. As he has become older, we didn’t hide the occasional wine bottle or mixed drink. However, he has never seen beer in the fridge. The other day while grabbing a few items at a local Wal-Mart, I came across the beer cooler. A desire quickly crossed my mind and I followed my thought to purchase a six-pack of 8 ounce Coors Light (I’m a lightweight!). After drinking two, I pulled the other four from the freezer and placed them in the fridge. The very next day, while I was outside tending our flower bed, my oldest son opened the garage’s entry door and yelled “Hey dad, there’s beer in the fridge!” Immediately, I was embarrassed and thought, “Great, son... Thanks for sharing… Would you like to mention how I backed up the toilet, too?” However, instead of yelling at my kid, my wife and I decided to use this as an opportunity to visit with him about alcohol. 

We discovered that my son judged me based on his discovery of beer. He felt that I (we) shouldn’t drink at all. We were surprised by his judgment. Mostly, our amazement centered around his views on alcohol. We’ve never taught condemnation of drinking; as a matter of fact, we did the exact opposite. We drank wine and margaritas in his presence; however, he has never witnessed us drunk or hosting parties including drinking.  

I did my best explanation of how ‘a drink’ was not considered a sin and closed the dispute acknowledging his entitlement to his own views. My only saving grace was reflecting on his love for soft drinks. One day, after witnessing his onslaught of ‘suicides’, his mom and I limited him to a one cup (filled with ice) soft drink per outing. Even after explaining soda’s lack of nutritional value, he continues. At an early age, he was taught that soft drinks are liquid candy to simply be enjoyed as a treat. I informed him that alcohol was the same, but for adults over the age of 21. Thankfully, he didn’t bring up its mind altering affects because my argument possibly would have been highly ineffective.

Now, I’m processing our conversation.  What comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 14:33, which refers to God not being associated with confusion. The bible passage includes this scripture within God’s instruction for orderly worship. Here are more scriptures that come to mind: 1 Corinthians 10:31-33. These three verses encouraged the following: 1. whatever you eat, drink, or do – do all to the glory of God, 2. cause no one to stumble in their faith by your actions, and 3. allow what you do to lead others to Christ. This group of scriptures was under ‘Do all to the Glory of God’ section. Combining the subtitle of these two passages, Orderly Worship + Do all to the Glory of God, I’m wrestling with a different conclusion.

My wife and kids are well aware of my passions towards allowing the bible to govern our life. I would have to admit that it would be quite hypocritical to not allow my spirit to be transformed by these scriptures. Also, I believe that I would be doing my son a huge disservice by not revisiting this issue. Although, I still do not believe that ‘a drink’ will send you to hell. I now have a different point of view. My consistent goal is to align my spirit with God’s view. To accomplish a level of worship and actions that is pleasing to Him. Based on what I read and my son’s drinking perception, I have some serious praying and decision making to do.

The first step to aligning your will with God’s will is accepting His way of salvation.
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things