I hate that word

A few years ago, I trained a cheerful, down-to-earth; speak her mind, and high-spirited lady. She was very likable and an easy to talk with. Unfortunately, I was unable to help her reach her ultimate fat loss goals. At the beginning of each week, she would inform me of her past weekend diet. Typically, her verbal food journal would end with my sigh of anguish followed by words of encouragement about the fundamental dos and don’ts towards losing body fat. Before I could complete my spill, she would say, “I know, I know, I know”… However, I would still give my speech repeatedly exclaiming – DISCIPLINE; in which she would respond, I hate that word! I hate that word, too. 

Sometimes, I play the role of a workaholic. I use to believe there were all pros and no cons to working hard, until recently when my body starting ‘acting out’. The month of October was a scary one. It included a series of tests for diagnosing multiple sclerosis, a month long annoying eye twitch and a week of right side facial numbness (TMJ), along with swelling of my right knee, and hernia in my right groin. 

Every one of my symptoms and medical issues could have been caused by something other than fatigue. However, I’m convinced that my symptoms were brought on by a lack of rest and sleep. With the significant amount of research connecting fatigue to preventable diseases, you would think that this personal trainer would get more rest. Well, I didn’t and I’m hoping that I’ve learned my lesson.

We all struggle with something that adversely affects our overall health. I’ve found that the warning signs normally aren’t enough for most to discontinue their unhealthy habits. Typically, it takes our life being derailed or feared lost before we seriously deal with an issue.

In Genesis 19, there’s a story about a family visited by angels. They were told to leave their city because it was going to be destroyed. The family hesitated. The bible states that under God’s compassion, the angels grabbed their hands to promptly direct them to safety. While the land was being destroyed, they were encouraged not to look back. Unfortunately, the family’s mother looked back and lost her life.

To me, this story portrays the typical stages of decision making in most people’s lives. We are offered words of wisdom, specific instruction, and grace; with this, our eventual outcome depends on our willingness to accept sound advice and follow through. No matter how much we desire a positive outcome; we have to be discipline in completing the necessary steps for a better quality of life.

My encouragement: Don’t look back. If you choose to look back, quickly and positively reflect. Deal with the past by moving forward and replacing those old destructive habits with positive, life-building traits. Tell someone (whether it be a ‘hater’ or a friend) what you plan to do for consistent accountability. Then, Commit your ways to God and be discipline in consistently following the steps needed to improve.  

My goal is to rest smarter and more. What is yours?

Failure to ‘pass on’ the fundamentals

For me, one of the most exciting things about being a dad is watching my children compete. I’m a competitive person who sometimes allows my individuality to get in the way of simply enjoying the moment. As a dad, I have no control over my son’s competitive level or interest. This is a constant battle for me that I daily have to surrender for a solid ‘peace of mind’.

Last year, my oldest son began playing basketball. I assistant coached him in his first recreation league. It was bittersweet. Our team had the league best record and won the tournament championship; however, my boy struggled. He was extremely frustrated with the complexity of basketball. Quite honestly, I believed he was relieved when the season ended.

Unfortunately for him, his time of sitting around during the summer had ended. In addition to the usual Christian and educational/fun camps, he was going to attend a few basketball camps. He, like most young boys, needed direction and a challenge.

The summer of 2012 was productive for his development. He, his mom, and I were pleased and noticed a difference, physically and socially. Fortunately, he was ready for additional challenges. He was granted the opportunity to play with more developed players last fall. Again, he fought to solidify an identity on a winning team; however, his liking for this sport grew. Also, I struggled watching him struggle. I clearly had to accept responsibility that his lack of basketball knowledge was clearly an indication of my failure to ‘pass on’ the fundamentals.

My disappointment centered on my child’s reflection of me. Athletically competing through college is not a badge I have chosen to wear publicly, but it is something that I am proud of. I believe that my children have the capacity to achieve the same. I had clearly failed to communicate something that is important to me.

Fortunately, God is faithful in providing moments that reflect what you have taught. Throughout all the struggles of my son developing into a player, many faith talks involving scriptures occurred. His battle made God’s Word more relevant and applicable. Also, the essentials of God’s plan were easier translated throughout his individual victories and tribulations. To simply put it, I believe that God has become more real to him.

After his most recent season ended, my wife and I took the time to tell him our individual faith ‘come to Jesus’ stories. The theme of our stories noticeably was repentance… turning away from our sin and towards God’s plan. He was visibly surprised and inquisitive about our past and the direction we WERE headed. I believed this impacted him further. Within weeks following this experience, he walked into our bedroom genuinely expressing sorrow for unconfessed sins prompting his mom to pray with him. The next day, I had a major revelation.

My son has yet to master dribbling, shooting, or defending, but he has successfully demonstrated one of the fundamental requirements to having a good relationship with God - repenting. As a Christian father, that is truly something to be proud. I can quickly think of a handful of Christian parents who dream of their child sorrowfully repenting.

This is what we have been and are working towards – the eternal, not the temporary.

… the training of the body has a limited benefit, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8 HCSB

Oh, how I love seeing him score, but his relationship with God has and will always be more important. I pray that God will always hold me accountable to this truth.

                                                                                                                                         

If you desire to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please click on the link below.

http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

We are all being brainwashed

As my wife cried and honestly expressed, I thought to myself ‘Geez …but I do ask you how you are doing (everyday)?’ I pleaded my case, but I knew that winning this conversation wasn’t going to fix the problem. Ultimately, I needed to humble myself to serve and love a little more in areas, which cause me discomfort. The worse about all this is that ‘I’m tired of adapting!’ We’ve been married for more than seven years and she should know the deal by now, right? Maybe… but since I married a woman with certain needs that I’m obviously not fulfilling; I ‘gotta step my game up’.

Our marriage had hit another ‘fork in the road’ and a decision needed to be made. Luckily, when it comes to my marital relationship, I’m a purpose-driven servant refusing to offer my wife a legitimate reason to mentally or physically detach from me. Hopefully, this will keep me married for a lifetime. I know my wife’s worth. I’ll do what I need to do within the will of God to keep her heart and earthly attention.

There’s daily moments in life where opportunities to decide are present. Whether you recognized life asked you a question or not, you made a choice. As days pass, your answers to life’s questions play out. Typically in hindsight, we can pinpoint when and what decisions were made. From your circle of influence to your sources of entertainment, what you accept in your life molds the way you think and process information. Whether we admit it or not, we are all being brainwashed.

One of the best gifts that God gave man is free will. We are allowed to program ourselves to operate the way we desire. Our words and actions are a direct reflection of our sources of inspiration and what we sincerely value. Before any positive changes are made, we all have to take ownership. Sometimes what we do with our time, energy, effort, and expenses doesn’t match what our mouth says we value. This is a major conflict of interest, which will cause you serious heartache.

When there are discrepancies with what I say I value most, I evaluate the direction of my time, energy, effort, and expenses. Typically, the root cause of my issues are that those four identities are not aligned with the course I desire my life. From my experience, this is the case with most people. We say we want one thing, but practice behaviors which lead to a different spiritual, mental, relational, physical, and financial lifestyle.

Be honest with yourself and others about your values. If you don’t like what your lifestyle reflects as worthwhile, make some changes like surrounding yourself with reminders and encouragers of your morals. For me, my Christian faith is an endless, unchanging, and sustaining-proven source for a productive and fulfilling life. For example, regarding my relational issue with my wife; God has provided me many models of grace, sacrificial service, and understanding, while commanding and encouraging me to do the same.

You are being influenced. Who and what is influencing you? Is your source worthy of following and consistently reflecting your values? Where is your source leading you?

Commit for the 1st time –
http://www.intouch.org/you/all-things-are-new/content?topic=how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

Commit to SERVE –
http://www.intouch.org/you/all-things-are-new/content?topic=does_god_really_want_me_to_serve_all_things

“Hey dad, there’s beer in the fridge!”

If you are a follower of my blog, you are aware that I have occasionally exalted my parent’s; however, they were not perfect. In the most honorable and respectable way that I can say this, my dad was an alcoholic. I place much emphasis on ‘WAS’, because while I was in college, he completely discontinued drinking. Unfortunately during my childhood, he did not provide the best example of ‘what is considered’ healthy alcohol consumption. Due to this, I believe, an unhealthy view of drinking was developed.  I have always been ‘wishy-washy’ towards social drinking.  

When our oldest son was younger, my wife and I chose to call any type of alcoholic drink - grown folk’s juice. He would ask, ‘Hey, what are you drinking? May I have some?’ Our consistent reply… ‘No, you can’t. This is grown folk’s juice’. As he has become older, we didn’t hide the occasional wine bottle or mixed drink. However, he has never seen beer in the fridge. The other day while grabbing a few items at a local Wal-Mart, I came across the beer cooler. A desire quickly crossed my mind and I followed my thought to purchase a six-pack of 8 ounce Coors Light (I’m a lightweight!). After drinking two, I pulled the other four from the freezer and placed them in the fridge. The very next day, while I was outside tending our flower bed, my oldest son opened the garage’s entry door and yelled “Hey dad, there’s beer in the fridge!” Immediately, I was embarrassed and thought, “Great, son... Thanks for sharing… Would you like to mention how I backed up the toilet, too?” However, instead of yelling at my kid, my wife and I decided to use this as an opportunity to visit with him about alcohol. 

We discovered that my son judged me based on his discovery of beer. He felt that I (we) shouldn’t drink at all. We were surprised by his judgment. Mostly, our amazement centered around his views on alcohol. We’ve never taught condemnation of drinking; as a matter of fact, we did the exact opposite. We drank wine and margaritas in his presence; however, he has never witnessed us drunk or hosting parties including drinking.  

I did my best explanation of how ‘a drink’ was not considered a sin and closed the dispute acknowledging his entitlement to his own views. My only saving grace was reflecting on his love for soft drinks. One day, after witnessing his onslaught of ‘suicides’, his mom and I limited him to a one cup (filled with ice) soft drink per outing. Even after explaining soda’s lack of nutritional value, he continues. At an early age, he was taught that soft drinks are liquid candy to simply be enjoyed as a treat. I informed him that alcohol was the same, but for adults over the age of 21. Thankfully, he didn’t bring up its mind altering affects because my argument possibly would have been highly ineffective.

Now, I’m processing our conversation.  What comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 14:33, which refers to God not being associated with confusion. The bible passage includes this scripture within God’s instruction for orderly worship. Here are more scriptures that come to mind: 1 Corinthians 10:31-33. These three verses encouraged the following: 1. whatever you eat, drink, or do – do all to the glory of God, 2. cause no one to stumble in their faith by your actions, and 3. allow what you do to lead others to Christ. This group of scriptures was under ‘Do all to the Glory of God’ section. Combining the subtitle of these two passages, Orderly Worship + Do all to the Glory of God, I’m wrestling with a different conclusion.

My wife and kids are well aware of my passions towards allowing the bible to govern our life. I would have to admit that it would be quite hypocritical to not allow my spirit to be transformed by these scriptures. Also, I believe that I would be doing my son a huge disservice by not revisiting this issue. Although, I still do not believe that ‘a drink’ will send you to hell. I now have a different point of view. My consistent goal is to align my spirit with God’s view. To accomplish a level of worship and actions that is pleasing to Him. Based on what I read and my son’s drinking perception, I have some serious praying and decision making to do.

The first step to aligning your will with God’s will is accepting His way of salvation.
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

The Whistleblower

For 4 years now, our street has hosted an annual spring block party. Neighboring streets join us to celebrate a day of community fellowship from bounce houses, grilling, to adult and children interactive games. It’s a great way to become familiar with your neighbors, while enjoying awesome weather and eating an array of food.


Each year (mid-party), I’m allowed the opportunity to flex my inner game show host by leading the children and adults into prize-winning competitive, fun games. Contending against bounce houses is tough. Sustaining kid’s attention, while water is gushing out of a 32 feet tall by 25 feet long slide/bounce house is challenging but cool. Typically, I lose my voice; so this year, I decided to use a whistle as a signal for starting and stopping. It worked extremely well until we played musical chairs.

If you know anything about or ever played musical chairs, you know that this game is enjoyable for the audience and participants. However, it can easily become aggressive promoting children and adults to become emotionally upset. Since I didn’t properly plan, there was no stereo involved. The children moved to the tunes of my lovely whistled-out symphony.

Before we began the game, there were several practice rounds to assure every kid understood the rules. Realizing that I could be biased by supporting my two sons, I informed the audience that I would be turning my back to the ‘musical chair-ers’. Also, the audience was told that they would have to hold the children accountable to the rules of the game. If they were out, let them know. Adding my own special touch, they were also informed, ‘if they started to cry to promptly find their mom…’ Tacky I know, but it was quite hilarious because some kids actually did, including my oldest. Geez!

We began the game. Of course, the youngest children were out first. As I turned around to remove each chair, you could sense the intensity thickening and anxiety increasing. With only 5 kids remaining, parents became more verbally demonstrative. They exclaimed to me, ‘They are sitting down before you blow the whistle! They are holding on to a chair!’ So after getting down to three children, I re-did the games and reinforced the rules. Finally, I asked the crowd, ‘why do you keep telling me – tell them – hold them responsible...’ After all, they were seeing what was happening. My back was intentionally facing them. Immediately, I received inspiration for this blog.

The message is simple. If you see someone doing something that would harm them, verbally hold them accountable (in love). Please - do not wait for someone else to intervene, when you are capable. Do not back down from ‘reinforcing the rules’. If you do not have a relationship with them, but are concern about their well-being; find a way to first demonstrate love (Hebrews 12:6). After doing so, let them know that they are harming themselves. Don’t wait for ‘the whistleblower’ to expose. He will not be as nice.

Be ready when the whistle blows!
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

Video Games + Mythical Creatures that 'battle'

Yesterday, I asked my oldest son was there anyone he looked up to? He shrugged his shoulders and said ‘no’. As a dad, I’m not quite sure how to handle that. I try pretty hard to be a good influence and role model for my sons.

My oldest is an early teen. His hobbies are video gaming, ‘battling’ spinning tops, and collecting Japanese action adventure inspired cards. To quickly sum it up, I have no interest in his passions. They are totally foreign and unexciting to me. Although, I do financially support his fix.

Recently, I signed him up for a basketball league. His mom and I were patiently waiting on him to express some interest in sports; however, this never really happened. Our fear of issues attached with not having structured extracurricular activities promoted us to ‘get the ball rolling’.

Luckily, he was placed on the most talented team in this novice league. They ended the season undefeated champions. At the completion of the championship game and award ceremonies, we had a light conversation about the season. I asked several questions to filter his opinion and true emotions. His response fed to one common subject, ‘I’m not sure if I want to continue because it’s hard’.  Although, he verbally and genuinely expressed having fun; the complex game of basketball took its toll. He often looked panicky. The occasional glance for confirmation was demonstrated in every game. His body language consistently shouted ‘am I’m doing the right thing?’ This culture was foreign to him.

What a dilemma?

Most people make decisions based on life experiences. Hopefully, we (all) learn from our mistakes and make better choices. When I was a child, there was a distinct time that my father unknowingly taught a principle.

One cold, snowy winter day in the Midwest, my dad decided that he was going to cut and gather a few truckloads of wood. As usual, I was forced to tag along. After my fingers went numb and my father was content with his work, we headed home. This same day, the varsity basketball team was having mandatory basketball practice. I was tired, and could care less, if I attended practice. As a freshman, my playing time was extremely limited and I was mostly considered a practice dummy. However, my father could sincerely careless of my fatigue and lackluster intents. He did not ask me if I wanted to go or how I felt about going, but instead drove me to practice and sat in the stands as I fumbled my way through the 90 minutes of torture.  I distinctly remember hating every minute of practice and my father, this day. However, by the end of the basketball season, I played a role in helping our team win a major post-season tournament.  Without the discipline my father instilled, this possibly could not have been. Although, I truly never developed a passion for basketball, the requirements towards rising in this sport were rewarding and integral in my adult development.

Am I’m saying that my son will have to play the same sport as I to learn the same lessons? I’m not. I’m conveying that children need direction, discipline, and consistent reinforcement to develop. Although, my son didn’t acknowledge a role model; (I believe) his current role models are electronically manipulating images and mythical creatures. Unfortunately for him, these examples do not have the ability to instill work ethic. You do.

In the Old Testament, there are plenty examples of father’s blessing their children. God set the model by his calling of Israel. He spoke their legacy before it took place. Although, they fought the new way of thinking and living; the willingness to be obedient and submissive to His authority eventually paid off. God, in his fatherly role, knew what was best for his children. He had a vision and purpose in mind and remained consistent until it was fulfilled. His concern for their overall, long term well-being superseded their immediate comfort. The Israelites’ blatant defiance during the process demonstrates their lack of vision and purpose. Unfortunately, they were former slaves lacking a positive role model of how things could be. Their minds were limited to ‘small thinking’.  Taking what was given, instead of taking what they could have (in God’s will).  Our children need visionaries, who have a plan, purpose, and goal for their life and parents/guardians who identify their talents and play an active role in their development.

As I did, you may need to refocus. Ask God for wisdom to help encourage and motivate your child. It may financially, mentally, and emotionally cost you, but in the long run; it will pay off. Whether your child will see the good in your efforts and choose to apply the principles they learned, while with you, is their decision. The peace of God, that you have done your part will be yours.

Be encouraged.

If you desire to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please click on the link below.

http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things