Failure to ‘pass on’ the fundamentals

For me, one of the most exciting things about being a dad is watching my children compete. I’m a competitive person who sometimes allows my individuality to get in the way of simply enjoying the moment. As a dad, I have no control over my son’s competitive level or interest. This is a constant battle for me that I daily have to surrender for a solid ‘peace of mind’.

Last year, my oldest son began playing basketball. I assistant coached him in his first recreation league. It was bittersweet. Our team had the league best record and won the tournament championship; however, my boy struggled. He was extremely frustrated with the complexity of basketball. Quite honestly, I believed he was relieved when the season ended.

Unfortunately for him, his time of sitting around during the summer had ended. In addition to the usual Christian and educational/fun camps, he was going to attend a few basketball camps. He, like most young boys, needed direction and a challenge.

The summer of 2012 was productive for his development. He, his mom, and I were pleased and noticed a difference, physically and socially. Fortunately, he was ready for additional challenges. He was granted the opportunity to play with more developed players last fall. Again, he fought to solidify an identity on a winning team; however, his liking for this sport grew. Also, I struggled watching him struggle. I clearly had to accept responsibility that his lack of basketball knowledge was clearly an indication of my failure to ‘pass on’ the fundamentals.

My disappointment centered on my child’s reflection of me. Athletically competing through college is not a badge I have chosen to wear publicly, but it is something that I am proud of. I believe that my children have the capacity to achieve the same. I had clearly failed to communicate something that is important to me.

Fortunately, God is faithful in providing moments that reflect what you have taught. Throughout all the struggles of my son developing into a player, many faith talks involving scriptures occurred. His battle made God’s Word more relevant and applicable. Also, the essentials of God’s plan were easier translated throughout his individual victories and tribulations. To simply put it, I believe that God has become more real to him.

After his most recent season ended, my wife and I took the time to tell him our individual faith ‘come to Jesus’ stories. The theme of our stories noticeably was repentance… turning away from our sin and towards God’s plan. He was visibly surprised and inquisitive about our past and the direction we WERE headed. I believed this impacted him further. Within weeks following this experience, he walked into our bedroom genuinely expressing sorrow for unconfessed sins prompting his mom to pray with him. The next day, I had a major revelation.

My son has yet to master dribbling, shooting, or defending, but he has successfully demonstrated one of the fundamental requirements to having a good relationship with God - repenting. As a Christian father, that is truly something to be proud. I can quickly think of a handful of Christian parents who dream of their child sorrowfully repenting.

This is what we have been and are working towards – the eternal, not the temporary.

… the training of the body has a limited benefit, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8 HCSB

Oh, how I love seeing him score, but his relationship with God has and will always be more important. I pray that God will always hold me accountable to this truth.

                                                                                                                                         

If you desire to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please click on the link below.

http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

“Hey dad, there’s beer in the fridge!”

If you are a follower of my blog, you are aware that I have occasionally exalted my parent’s; however, they were not perfect. In the most honorable and respectable way that I can say this, my dad was an alcoholic. I place much emphasis on ‘WAS’, because while I was in college, he completely discontinued drinking. Unfortunately during my childhood, he did not provide the best example of ‘what is considered’ healthy alcohol consumption. Due to this, I believe, an unhealthy view of drinking was developed.  I have always been ‘wishy-washy’ towards social drinking.  

When our oldest son was younger, my wife and I chose to call any type of alcoholic drink - grown folk’s juice. He would ask, ‘Hey, what are you drinking? May I have some?’ Our consistent reply… ‘No, you can’t. This is grown folk’s juice’. As he has become older, we didn’t hide the occasional wine bottle or mixed drink. However, he has never seen beer in the fridge. The other day while grabbing a few items at a local Wal-Mart, I came across the beer cooler. A desire quickly crossed my mind and I followed my thought to purchase a six-pack of 8 ounce Coors Light (I’m a lightweight!). After drinking two, I pulled the other four from the freezer and placed them in the fridge. The very next day, while I was outside tending our flower bed, my oldest son opened the garage’s entry door and yelled “Hey dad, there’s beer in the fridge!” Immediately, I was embarrassed and thought, “Great, son... Thanks for sharing… Would you like to mention how I backed up the toilet, too?” However, instead of yelling at my kid, my wife and I decided to use this as an opportunity to visit with him about alcohol. 

We discovered that my son judged me based on his discovery of beer. He felt that I (we) shouldn’t drink at all. We were surprised by his judgment. Mostly, our amazement centered around his views on alcohol. We’ve never taught condemnation of drinking; as a matter of fact, we did the exact opposite. We drank wine and margaritas in his presence; however, he has never witnessed us drunk or hosting parties including drinking.  

I did my best explanation of how ‘a drink’ was not considered a sin and closed the dispute acknowledging his entitlement to his own views. My only saving grace was reflecting on his love for soft drinks. One day, after witnessing his onslaught of ‘suicides’, his mom and I limited him to a one cup (filled with ice) soft drink per outing. Even after explaining soda’s lack of nutritional value, he continues. At an early age, he was taught that soft drinks are liquid candy to simply be enjoyed as a treat. I informed him that alcohol was the same, but for adults over the age of 21. Thankfully, he didn’t bring up its mind altering affects because my argument possibly would have been highly ineffective.

Now, I’m processing our conversation.  What comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 14:33, which refers to God not being associated with confusion. The bible passage includes this scripture within God’s instruction for orderly worship. Here are more scriptures that come to mind: 1 Corinthians 10:31-33. These three verses encouraged the following: 1. whatever you eat, drink, or do – do all to the glory of God, 2. cause no one to stumble in their faith by your actions, and 3. allow what you do to lead others to Christ. This group of scriptures was under ‘Do all to the Glory of God’ section. Combining the subtitle of these two passages, Orderly Worship + Do all to the Glory of God, I’m wrestling with a different conclusion.

My wife and kids are well aware of my passions towards allowing the bible to govern our life. I would have to admit that it would be quite hypocritical to not allow my spirit to be transformed by these scriptures. Also, I believe that I would be doing my son a huge disservice by not revisiting this issue. Although, I still do not believe that ‘a drink’ will send you to hell. I now have a different point of view. My consistent goal is to align my spirit with God’s view. To accomplish a level of worship and actions that is pleasing to Him. Based on what I read and my son’s drinking perception, I have some serious praying and decision making to do.

The first step to aligning your will with God’s will is accepting His way of salvation.
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

The Whistleblower

For 4 years now, our street has hosted an annual spring block party. Neighboring streets join us to celebrate a day of community fellowship from bounce houses, grilling, to adult and children interactive games. It’s a great way to become familiar with your neighbors, while enjoying awesome weather and eating an array of food.


Each year (mid-party), I’m allowed the opportunity to flex my inner game show host by leading the children and adults into prize-winning competitive, fun games. Contending against bounce houses is tough. Sustaining kid’s attention, while water is gushing out of a 32 feet tall by 25 feet long slide/bounce house is challenging but cool. Typically, I lose my voice; so this year, I decided to use a whistle as a signal for starting and stopping. It worked extremely well until we played musical chairs.

If you know anything about or ever played musical chairs, you know that this game is enjoyable for the audience and participants. However, it can easily become aggressive promoting children and adults to become emotionally upset. Since I didn’t properly plan, there was no stereo involved. The children moved to the tunes of my lovely whistled-out symphony.

Before we began the game, there were several practice rounds to assure every kid understood the rules. Realizing that I could be biased by supporting my two sons, I informed the audience that I would be turning my back to the ‘musical chair-ers’. Also, the audience was told that they would have to hold the children accountable to the rules of the game. If they were out, let them know. Adding my own special touch, they were also informed, ‘if they started to cry to promptly find their mom…’ Tacky I know, but it was quite hilarious because some kids actually did, including my oldest. Geez!

We began the game. Of course, the youngest children were out first. As I turned around to remove each chair, you could sense the intensity thickening and anxiety increasing. With only 5 kids remaining, parents became more verbally demonstrative. They exclaimed to me, ‘They are sitting down before you blow the whistle! They are holding on to a chair!’ So after getting down to three children, I re-did the games and reinforced the rules. Finally, I asked the crowd, ‘why do you keep telling me – tell them – hold them responsible...’ After all, they were seeing what was happening. My back was intentionally facing them. Immediately, I received inspiration for this blog.

The message is simple. If you see someone doing something that would harm them, verbally hold them accountable (in love). Please - do not wait for someone else to intervene, when you are capable. Do not back down from ‘reinforcing the rules’. If you do not have a relationship with them, but are concern about their well-being; find a way to first demonstrate love (Hebrews 12:6). After doing so, let them know that they are harming themselves. Don’t wait for ‘the whistleblower’ to expose. He will not be as nice.

Be ready when the whistle blows!
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things

$250

A healthy (new) baby boy, new job in a location I strongly desired to be, new home, wife being able to become a stay at home mom… it was exciting times! Unfortunately with moving to a new city, there was a short season of staying in hotels and driving or flying home on my off days to visit my family. This was somewhat stressful, but easily manageable because I knew it was temporary.


After working many 12 hour days in a row, I was able to fly home for two days. My wife and baby son picked me up from the airport… I was very excited to see them. While driving home, my wife gave a ‘run down’ of her week. She clearly was enjoying her time away from work. Although, my wife was happy it was apparent that she had a few struggles in her new role. One scenario made this painfully clear.

Here’s my disclaimer: Sometimes, I can be a control freak. I have a habit of creating excel spreadsheets for family budgets, vacations, etc. If my wife spends a dollar, I (use to) want to know. Not really a great habit to have, when you are married to an independent woman who took care of herself and a child for two years before allowing your support. Anyways… back to the drive home from the airport.

My wife said, ‘I did something good for our family!’ Immediately, I sighed (in my heart). ‘A guy came around selling steaks in his truck and I got a deal for $250’. My immediate reply: “Really?!? Steaks out of a deep freezer from the back of pickup. Really?!? This can’t be happening. You need to give it back. Call and tell him to pick up the meat before he cashes the check. As soon as we get home!”

I was very upset. Thankfully, we had the money to fund the unnecessary purchase, but it was clearly the lack of communication and the amount paid which caused concern. I knew that my wife’s intentions were good. She really thought (and may still feel) that this was a good investment; however, the fact that we did not communicate about such a purchase upset me. Knowing our roles and sharing major decisions were seriously the biggest struggles we faced in the beginning stages of our relationship. After only 3 pre-marital counseling sessions, our counselor discerned that we would be challenged in these areas. What an understatement! With 6 years of marriage ‘under our belt’, we do a better job of communicating and staying within our God-given roles. We have worked out a few kinks with systems that suit our personalities. We still have a way to go, but truly things have gotten better.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do in all relationships is peacefully accepting your role. I have found that most people have an opinion of how someone is doing a job wrong. It’s human nature. Whether it be the boss’ organization, the coach’s play, or the pastor’s sermon; someone is critiquing. Even if the criticism is legitimate, it’s a form of rebellion. Unfortunately, God designed authority along with roles and responsibilities. Typically, a team of people are needed to successfully accomplish most goals. One person choosing to step outside the realms of their roles, while consistently questioning authority is detrimental to the healthy development of others. Ask Aaron and Miriam (Numbers 12:1-15)!

Do your best in the role you currently have. You will find that your ultimate calling will be fulfilled through your willingness to obey God (Psalms 138:8), where you are at and by cultivating your talents. God has a plan for us all. No one man’s gift is greater than another. We are all valuable. Learn from those in leadership. If you think you can do it better, when your time comes- DO IT BETTER!

Give Jesus your heart and life & see what God will do with it.
http://www.intouch.org/resources/all-things-are-new/content/topic/how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_all_things